And a determination to be happy.
Then, I remembered happiness. This wasn’t the first time I’ve felt happy in my life, happiness has been in and out of my experience many times, just not like this. I was so happy with her, even happier than I am now, but it wasn’t intentional, it wasn’t a product of my determination to be happy. I didn’t know how to do it until I decided to make it my priority.
The fog started to fade away once I decided to focus on the things that made me feel good, once I decided to follow the direction my intuition was pointing to. I had lost myself in the fog, walking aimlessly, searching for a guiding light.
But happiness is not something you can lose or find, you can only forget or remember it, you can only bury it deep inside, right under your beliefs, your rules, your fears, behind the fog created by illusion, your own illusion; or you can remind yourself of where you put it, perhaps a long time ago, maybe when you were a little kid.
I started to sense the ebb and flow of my emotions, the small nuances of the heart. This makes me feel good, this doesn’t. I began to understand the waves, the purpose of the lows, and how to ride the highs, I learned to trust the ocean and I stopped fearing the tides.
What feels good became the guiding voice of my inner compass. I started training myself to notice the feeling-good sensations, and the little spaces in between, those you can only see and feel once you get closer and closer to the emotions within the feelings. We’ve grown so numb to how we really feel that many of us don’t know what makes us feel good, myself included. I didn’t know for sure. Do you know?